So I had one of those experiences today that makes me glad I don't really blog that much anymore because then I can record it for posterity and no one will ask me about it at church.
Right now I should be doing homework. School starts up again tomorrow and I'm really really really resisting it. I think maybe next semester I'm going to transfer to red box university or something. I'll bet I'll ace all of my classes then. This week I start managerial economics. I don't think they have that at the red box yet.
Anyway, something embarrassing happened today. Something I don't really understand, to be honest. I just don't understand how it could have happened. I also don't really know which words would be appropriate to use. The story requires delicate, embarrassing words. The kind of words that I think are usually only used when my wife goes to book club. I do have a standing invitation to book club because of my tendency to say inappropriate things so I'll just have to trust that the words will come to me.
My story starts about mid-afternoon today when my all fruit and spinach smoothie had sufficiently worked its way through my body and began to seek escape. It was also that time of afternoon when it seems to happen to everyone else also. Every stall on my floor was full. Next floor down was also full. Finally, I found one open stall in the basement and was able to "take care of business" as we say here in the Jackson household. (sometime you should ask the wombat to sing you "takin' care of business" by BTO. It is pretty awesome. He changes some of the words but it is great.)
So anyway, everything went just fine and I went back upstairs and got back to work. After a phone call and a few emails I needed to go talk to someone else so I stood up and walked out into the hall. As I walked I caught a quick glance of something white beneath my feet. Pretty quickly my brain processed this as toilet paper stuck to my shoe. "Embarrassing," I thought. I stopped and reached down to grab it only to realize it was no longer there but had come off just behind me. I bent down to get it only to realize that it was not, in fact, toilet paper. Nope, definitely not toliet paper.
It was my underwear.
Confused, I quickly snatched up my underwear and put it my pocket and quickly started walking back down the hall unsure if anyone in the cubicle jungle around me had noticed this quick event. I didn't look back to find out either. I didn't want to know. I was on my way to talk to someone so I just kept going. On the way there I couldn't help but wonder how my underwear could have suddenly fallen out of my pant leg. I started going through the last 30 minutes in my head trying to figure out if there is anyway my underwear could have fallen off when I went to the bathroom. I thought through it and was quite confident that I had not undressed in the bathroom in any way to make this possible and yet........
Next I put my hands in my pockets to see if I could feel my underwear in there anywhere. I couldn't be sure. I was starting to feel very concerned. Finally I made it to the bathroom, went into a gratefully available stall and confirmed for sure that I WAS in fact wearing underwear. What a relief! But if I was wearing underwear, then where did these come from? I checked the size and they looked like mine. Finally I decided to smell them and they even smelled clean (gratefully).
I'm pretty sure I must have had some crazy static cling going on in these pants but here is the really crazy thing.....today was something like the fourth day in a row I've worn these pants. I know this isn't the sort of thing I should be admitting at this point of an embarrassing post but it is true. I don't really believe that pants get dirty so I re-wear them a lot. Just a few days ago, I was wearing these pants in front of a large group of people from around the country giving a presentation. Can you imagine if my underwear had fallen out then? And how really could I have not felt it in there after putting these pants on and off for days?
Laine the Hurricane got the game Clue for Christmas so we have been playing it A LOT. It is pretty fun actually and there are some changes to the old school game. There are these cards called "intrigue" cards that you can play. If you don't want to show someone a card you can play an intrigue card that says "the rumor remains unanswered." So that is how this story must end. Great intrigue, and an unanswered rumor of the underwear.
Anyway, something embarrassing happened today. Something I don't really understand, to be honest. I just don't understand how it could have happened. I also don't really know which words would be appropriate to use. The story requires delicate, embarrassing words. The kind of words that I think are usually only used when my wife goes to book club. I do have a standing invitation to book club because of my tendency to say inappropriate things so I'll just have to trust that the words will come to me.
My story starts about mid-afternoon today when my all fruit and spinach smoothie had sufficiently worked its way through my body and began to seek escape. It was also that time of afternoon when it seems to happen to everyone else also. Every stall on my floor was full. Next floor down was also full. Finally, I found one open stall in the basement and was able to "take care of business" as we say here in the Jackson household. (sometime you should ask the wombat to sing you "takin' care of business" by BTO. It is pretty awesome. He changes some of the words but it is great.)
So anyway, everything went just fine and I went back upstairs and got back to work. After a phone call and a few emails I needed to go talk to someone else so I stood up and walked out into the hall. As I walked I caught a quick glance of something white beneath my feet. Pretty quickly my brain processed this as toilet paper stuck to my shoe. "Embarrassing," I thought. I stopped and reached down to grab it only to realize it was no longer there but had come off just behind me. I bent down to get it only to realize that it was not, in fact, toilet paper. Nope, definitely not toliet paper.
It was my underwear.
Confused, I quickly snatched up my underwear and put it my pocket and quickly started walking back down the hall unsure if anyone in the cubicle jungle around me had noticed this quick event. I didn't look back to find out either. I didn't want to know. I was on my way to talk to someone so I just kept going. On the way there I couldn't help but wonder how my underwear could have suddenly fallen out of my pant leg. I started going through the last 30 minutes in my head trying to figure out if there is anyway my underwear could have fallen off when I went to the bathroom. I thought through it and was quite confident that I had not undressed in the bathroom in any way to make this possible and yet........
Next I put my hands in my pockets to see if I could feel my underwear in there anywhere. I couldn't be sure. I was starting to feel very concerned. Finally I made it to the bathroom, went into a gratefully available stall and confirmed for sure that I WAS in fact wearing underwear. What a relief! But if I was wearing underwear, then where did these come from? I checked the size and they looked like mine. Finally I decided to smell them and they even smelled clean (gratefully).
I'm pretty sure I must have had some crazy static cling going on in these pants but here is the really crazy thing.....today was something like the fourth day in a row I've worn these pants. I know this isn't the sort of thing I should be admitting at this point of an embarrassing post but it is true. I don't really believe that pants get dirty so I re-wear them a lot. Just a few days ago, I was wearing these pants in front of a large group of people from around the country giving a presentation. Can you imagine if my underwear had fallen out then? And how really could I have not felt it in there after putting these pants on and off for days?
Laine the Hurricane got the game Clue for Christmas so we have been playing it A LOT. It is pretty fun actually and there are some changes to the old school game. There are these cards called "intrigue" cards that you can play. If you don't want to show someone a card you can play an intrigue card that says "the rumor remains unanswered." So that is how this story must end. Great intrigue, and an unanswered rumor of the underwear.
5 comments:
Ha! That is really funny. I mostly wanted to comment to say thanks for including that great and very relevant pic with this blog post. Two thumbs up.
I laughed my way through this post. The best line though is..."Finally I decided to SMELL them." Jim, never, ever smell underpants, even if you think they might be yours!
I think I'll invite you to be a guest lecturer at our next book club, but only if you're willing to share more stories like this.
Sounds like the work of Tomtens to me.
Derek and I got cramps and tears from laughter. We were also shocked at the smelling foreign underwear part until you said they were yours (luckily).
ha ha ha...ok, it's settled i'm officially a subscriber of wombat and the hurricane. i need a little more laughter in my life. hilarious!
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